How I abandoned my self-care routine and am still “that girl”

Article by Maddie Dimech

We all know ‘that girl’ on social media. The one who completely has her life together and everything she does is not only productive but aesthetically pleasing. She rises with the sun, makes her bed, works out and then sips her green goddess smoothie in her matching tights and crop. Although it may be created with the intention to inspire an active and healthy lifestyle, consuming only the highlights reel is toxic and can lead to an unhealthy comparison culture.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely guilty of scrolling through TikTok and Instagram reels watching morning routines and “what I do in a day” videos and sometimes even get a burst of inspiration to get up and make a salad or tidy my space. But then there are the other times when I catch myself thinking “why can’t I be that girl?”.

Self-care sells

According to a US study, by 2026, the self-care industry has an estimated value of $13 billion. When overlaid with technology, that figure grows to $450 billion. And seeing as self-care is now synonymous with wellness, that number will grow to $1.5 trillion. That’s astronomical growth!

As the overall trends in health and wellness continue to expand, the topic of self-care is everywhere. Businesses will do anything to claim that their products or services will significantly enhance overall wellness. And the opportunities for retailers are endless. Step into any gift shop these days and you’ll be inundated with self-care kits of essential oils, skin-care serums and natural clay masks. The same store also sells an abundance of self-discovery items like mindfulness adult colouring books, journals and affirmation cards.

So why has this industry skyrocketed and become such a trend? Well, we can simply look at how self-care works. Its strategies are subjective, making them unique to each individual offering retailers the chance to diversify their range of products. This subjectivity requires the need for diversity, making self-care inclusive for everyone. It also requires personal discovery allowing businesses to continually offer new and next purchase opportunities as the individual explores and progresses through their practice.

The media has always wanted us to feel inadequate so we buy their products and this is no exception in the self-care industry. It’s a great marketing tool because it relates to all of us and whilst millennials are feeling empowered to take their health into their own hands and embrace a number of practices both new and old from around the world, it’s leaving them open to being heavily influenced by brands.

But what these brands and “that girl” are really doing are robbing us of the true meaning of self-care. It should not be highlighting our flaws and making us feel inadequate, or deprived because it’s costing us an arm and leg. Is that really care?

What I’ve learnt about self-care

I have and always will be a true advocate for self-care. I’ve spent the last few years deep diving into personal development books, online courses and the rabbit holes of the internet synthesising content and putting those lessons into practice. I’ve spent so much time diligently tailoring and practising self-care as a way to manage my anxiety and feel a sense of fulfillment and peace within myself.

All of this came to a halt when I fell pregnant earlier this year. My self-care routine simply went out the window and I spent my days in a hazy fog simply doing what needed to be done. I was moody and nauseous, and utterly exhausted. I wasn’t interested in yoga, meditation, plant food or even going for a walk. I wanted to lay in bed and distract myself and my raging hormones with Netflix, cheesy noodles and chocolate milkshakes. When I closed my eyes to try and meditate, I would be flooded with anxiety about the baby and on the verge of panic. So I just didn’t do any of it. Not only had I abandoned my self-care routine I’d worked so hard to establish, I felt shame and disappointment in myself for not being able to practise what I was making content about.

At about week 7 I had my first scan. Both nervous and excited, nothing could prepare me for what we were about to find out. As the sonographer moved the ultrasound camera across my belly for what felt like forever, she finally asked “do twins run in your family?”. I burst into tears, which was more like hysterics and spent the next 3 weeks with my head in the clouds planning our future and imagining our lives with two beautiful twin children.

When we went for our next scan in week 10, that dream I’d created came crashing down when we found out that we’d lost one of the bubs. I felt immense disappointment, loss of control and despair. I was devastated.

As with any life event or significant change in one's circumstances, there are pockets of wisdom to draw from these moments. Here are three things I’ve learnt about self-care now.

Self-care is Fluid

We don’t operate at a stable state of consistency, we just don’t. You might follow a pretty consistent routine day in and day out, but there’s going to come a time when that pattern will be disrupted. Whether you leave a job, move cities, have your heart broken or you lose someone, we’re all going to face these challenges at one stage or another, and the self-care lifestyle that we have created for ourselves is going to have to adapt. Instead of 20 minutes of yoga, a quick sun salutation and mindful breath in and out will have to do.

Self-care is Trust

There’s a quote I come back to from Dr. Joe Dispenza - We can learn and change in a state of pain and suffering, or we can evolve in a state of joy and inspiration. What this means to me, is that we don’t need to wait until we have reached a life hurdle to grow as an individual. That will inevitably happen, so it’s important to work on yourself in a time of content. Similarly, we can rely on the work we have done when we are feeling okay, to trust and carry ourselves through times of immense change, pain and suffering.

You’re not yourself when you’re in crisis or your hormones are surging and sending you crazy. Ask yourself what you need in that moment, and trust that you’re making the right decision for your body and mind at that point in time. Observe your feelings. If you’re taking some time out and feeling guilty about it, ask yourself if this emotion is serving you any purpose right now and if it’s not, let it go. Trust yourself to let yourself rest. Trust yourself and let yourself feel pain. Trust yourself and give it time to heal.

Self-care is Kind

Self-care is never self-critical, judgmental or shaming. It’s an action of honouring your body, mind and spirit through kindness, acceptance and love. I’ve learned not only about the importance of being kind to myself but also accepting kindness from others.

When I had my pregnancy loss I needed to allow myself to be supported by my partner, family and close friends. Had I not been kind to myself and given myself the permission to be vulnerable enough to share my pain, I may not have experienced the true kindness from others.

We’re all “that girl”

Although there have been many times recently when I haven’t had the energy to work out or my green smoothie simply isn’t appetising, I’m still “that girl” because I’m listening to my body, trusting myself and prioritsing MY self-care.

So in conclusion, self-care is not a product, trend or aesthetic. It’s the actual practice of taking care of yourself defined by whatever the f**k you want it to be. Let go of expectations, trust yourself and what your body needs. You’re still “that girl”.

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